Doomed From The Start
by FanGirlFromTartarus
Summary: They walk away, and never look back . . . except for once. Expanded version of one of the drabbles in my song challenge fic (go check that out if you haven't - for reasons). Sad story. Alec/Magnus, Malec. Rated T because of the depressing quality of the story.


**A/N:** Weelll, helluu there lovely fanfiction readers. I see u thar, reading my fanfiction. Some of you will remember my other fic, the song challenge one (if you haven't read it, I suggest you check it out, just because), where I said I would expand some of the little "drabbles" there. This is expanded form the first one that was inspired by Linkin Park's Jornada del Muerto.

I beg of you, don't read this while listening to either sad Linkin Park songs or depressing songs in general. You have been forewarned. Depressing stuff, that is.

**Doomed From The Start**

* * *

Magnus watched as Alec walked away from him. For the last time. He had known this day would come, but he hadn't known it would be so soon. Nor did he think _Alec_ would be the one walking away from this relationship. But here it was.

Magnus felt his heart break with every step Alec took. How did it come to this? Their once beautiful relationship damaged beyond repair, shattered. And there was nothing either of them could ever do to fix it.

This was the only possible outcome, Magnus knew, even if the same decisions hadn't been made. No other possible way for this to end. They'd been doomed from the start. A shadowhunter and a warlock. An angelic warrior and a demonic immortal. The light and the dark. Both of their worlds holding them tightly in their clutches, never allowing them to traverse beyond or bring the other closer. Because of this, they had created their own world, their own safe place, free from the rest of the world. They built it from the ground up, covered in the neutrality of gray, and held back the outside world with a wall made from the unbreakable bond of their love. They'd been happy together, and sad, and joyous, and anxious, and every emotion they'd experienced together.

It had been amazing, Magnus thought. Their love, their bond. He'd never loved anyone like he'd loved Alec, and he didn't know why, or how, but he'd never really cared. To be able to find someone like they had found someone - someone who could take up all the remaining space in your life and you'd still want more of them. They had found match with each other they would never find with anyone else. They could be the people they could never be with anyone else.

They could be themselves when they were together. Alec could show his "bad" side (that's what he had called it, even when Magnus had told Alec again and again that nobody was perfect, everyone had a strange mixture of both good and bad to them, and that to call any part of himself completely one or the other was impossible - and Magnus had secretly wondered who'd given him the idea it was possible in the first place), his moods, his jealousy, his vulnerability and defensiveness, and occasional spitefulness, and all the psychological cuts and scratches and scars he'd gathered from a life of a warrior, a life he'd never asked for, and he would never be judged or shamed or blamed for being exactly who he was. He'd had a sort of freedom with Magnus that he couldn't find in the oppressive society he lived in.

And Magnus could be with someone who could see through to his soul, who had looked past the darkest stains and the deepest cracks that Magnus had received from a hard life that'd spanned the centuries and left him broken in places, to see the light that shined out from the cracks and through the stains, that the cruel world had never been able to kill. Alec had seen the best parts of him that even he himself couldn't see sometimes, and forgiven the darkness that had haunted his soul.

They never had to hide when they were with each other. They'd both had someone to give them unconditional love and support whenever their own worlds were too much. Whenever they couldn't go to anyone else, when they needed someone to lend them their strength with open arms because _no one _else knew this side of them, and _everyone_ else judged at some point, and not _anyone _could ever see them this exposed, with their souls bared. They'd found the only person who would ever see them through and through, and know them to their core, and never want anything else.

And for a while, they'd been happy.

But then, that wall they'd built themselves crumbled to the ground, as it always would. Their love hadn't been enough to hold it together. It hadn't been strong enough to hold back the world that lay waiting. It wasn't enough to stop that world and the harsh truth from tearing down the world they so carefully constructed, to stop the black and white from driving away the safety of their gray, and holding them in their rightful places.

And it hurt. It _hurt_ that they'd never be together without having to fight for their love. It _hurt_ to watch their world be torn apart because it wasn't "right", to watch their dreams and love be shredded by their differences. It _hurt_ that their love wasn't enough to keep them together in those instances, still wasn't enough to keep them together. No, it didn't hurt. It was _agony_. It was excruciating that they could never repair or repeat what'd been lost, no matter how hard they tried, and trust him, Magnus had _so_ _desperately_ tried.

And truthfully, it wasn't Alec who was walking away now. Nor was it Magnus. It was both of them. They'd both realized the truth. They'd both had to stand back and look at the destroyed and tainted shards of their once unbreakable relationship, and know that it was over. Neither one had wanted to. Who would want to walk away from their soul mate?

Magnus should start walking now. He should have already. But he hadn't been able. He'd wanted to watch Alec go, to have some sort of closure from this. But there was no closure, only a raw, terrible ache in his chest that gripped tight and didn't relax no matter how deeply he breathed, because he knew he was watching the best thing in his life, the person, the _one_ he'd been searching for forever, leave him, and he couldn't do anything about it, which only made it worse. But in truth, if Magnus had already turned around, he knew he'd never be able to breath again.

Then, suddenly, Alec stopped walking. The way his shoulders were shaking made it seem as if he were having trouble breathing normally, or sobbing, or both. He turned halfway, to look back at Magnus, and his face was tear streaked. Their eyes locked for one moment and the world seemed to collapse. To Magnus it felt as if every emotion and thought he'd been keeping under control now had rushed through him, leaving him dizzy and breathless and _hurting so much._

A sob finally escaped his throat and he turned immediately. He caught the anguished look on Alec's face as he turned, but he couldn't do it. He just couldn't.

He thought he heard sobbing from behind him, but he couldn't tell over the sound of his blood rushing in time with the pain that choked him. Magnus let the pain rush through him, let it consume him. He stayed like that for a moment that felt like a minute, but in reality was probably much, much more than that. But then he straightened up, and wiped the tears from his face. It took all of Magnus' strength and willpower to just do that simple act.

He forced the agony from his body, and settled into an indifferent numbness as he told himsef it didn't matter; none of it really mattered. He'd promised himself he'd never do this, never allow himself to become numb to his pain because he _knew_ what it would do to him. Because he knew he wouldn't allow this to be temporary. It would stay with him forever and he would become like every other warlock who'd lived for too long, and cease to feel.

Magnus shouldn't do this, he shouldn't, he knew that. But he had no other choice.

This was a pain, a loss that he could not bare. He'd spend the rest of his eternal life in the agony of the things that could have been. Things that _should_ have been said and done before it was too late. It would destroy him, and tear him apart from every angle. He'd tear _himself_ apart over what he could have done to stop this, from a regret whose sheer magnitude defied any description Magnus knew. That was the likeliest outcome; Magnus may not let other people know him often, but he knew himself very well.

It was possible that, over time, the pain would lessen. That maybe one day it wouldn't seem quite as shattering as it did know, or maybe, just maybe, with luck, he'd forget about Alec entirely, and time would consume him, but right now Magnus didn't care. And that was fortunate because once he was numb as he was now, he'd never get the chance to feel the regret of his action, and he'd have no reason to go back.

And that was fine with him. Magnus started walking, and he didn't turn back, and he didn't listen to what were without doubt Alec's sobs of misery, and he didn't think of what his future looked like, and he didn't stop walking.

Because Magnus had known it would come to this. This had been the only possible outcome.

* * *

**A/N:** *Cowers* Don't hurt me, please. I'm just a poor fanfiction writer.

Soooo . . . this just kind of _happened._ I was in a darkly inspirational mood and was listening to so much Linkin Park. One could say . . . _this was the only possible outcome._ Welp.

I'm kind of weirdly proud of this fic. If you guys found this as depressing as I hope it was, feel _free_ to tell me. *Le hint* Subtleness abounds. I am open to all kinds of constructive criticism, happy squealing, obsessive weeping, and general fangirling.

Also, just to motivate you guys: first one to review gets internet cheetos. Just gonna put that out there.

(_**IMPORTANT:** I have not read CoHF yet, please, **PLEASE**, do not leave spoilers in whatever reviews this may gain. Thank you so much._)


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